I started noticing some difficulty swallowing in late spring. I felt like I had a lump in my throat – like when you have a cold – only I didn’t have a cold. My sinuses, ears and lungs were fine. I just had a sore throat and didn’t feel like I was running at 100%.
I couldn’t take my morning pills and vitamins all in one gulp of water like I used to. I actually choked on my medication a couple of times.
I felt like something was wrong, but I wasn’t ready to deal with it. June was going to be crazy – I was moving across town, my brother was getting married and I had a three-day sorority conference out of state.
I told myself that if I still felt off after I had gotten through my move, the wedding and the conference, that I’d get in to see my doctor.
On June 29, I saw my primary doctor. I told her that I felt like there was a fullness in my throat/neck and that I was concerned that there was something wrong with my thyroid. I’ve had hypothyroidism for almost six years and I am able to recognize the symptoms when I’m having a flare up. This seemed more than a flare up.
My doctor examined me and said it did feel like my thyroid was enlarged on the right side. She recommended I have an ultrasound to rule out any problems. She also ordered a blood test to see if my TSH counts were off. My counts were off, so she increased my meds again.
I had an ultrasound the following week. I was very nervous but the technician was really nice – even though it felt like I was suffocating as she pressed the ultrasound wand into my neck to get images of my thyroid. I was told that I would get the results in a few days.
I left the hospital nervous, but figured I wouldn’t worry about it until the results were in. I went and got my nails done and was headed home when my phone rang. It was my doctor’s nurse. Just 90 minutes after I left the hospital they were already calling with results.
The nurse said I had multiple nodules on my thyroid and that my doctor was giving me a referral to an endocrinologist. I was transferred to the specialty area to make an appointment.
I made an appointment (but couldn’t get in until August 19) and asked to be put on a wait list. I followed up with a friend who works at the medical college (and whose dad is a retired ER doc). My friend spoke to colleagues who recommended I make an appointment with one of the endocrinologists there (who happens to specialize in nodules and thyroid cancer). A friend’s younger sister who had thyroid cancer seven years ago also recommended this doctor so I called to make an appointment but I couldn’t get in to see him until September 28. I am also on his wait list.
I wasn’t handling this well – that i had all these nodules and I had to wait so long to even have a consultation. Meanwhile, the fullness in my throat is getting worse and every week i notice another head/neck position that makes me hyper-aware of these nodules.
The next week, I got a call from the guy my doctor recommended – there was a cancellation and they got me in for an appointment. Dr. S. did an exam and asked me lots of questions. He said that my thyroid is very damaged and that the damage is irreversible. It’s enlarged all over with multiple nodules on the right side and there’s one on the left side that is 1.7cm. He said this one is suspicious – partially because of its size, but also because it’s by itself. He also said my personal health history as well as family history (aunt had thyroid cancer a few years ago and my grandpa had half of his thyroid removed a decade ago due to suspicious nodules) combined add to the suspicion.
The doctor said that it could be cancerous but he didn’t want to speculate until we did a biopsy. But he said the “C” word and I didn’t hear much else he said after that.
I do remember him saying that depending on the test results, we may take a variety of treatment paths: Surgery, additional biopsies on the other nodules, ultrasounds and close monitoring every six months.
I had a FNAB (Fine Needle Aspiration Biopsy) yesterday. Guided by an ultrasound, the doctor inserted 25 gauge needles into the nodule and removed tissue. Four times. (For comparison, blood donation uses 16 or 17 gauge needles).
The first two biopsies were unpleasant but bearable. The last two were so painful. No anesthesia at all. My neck/throat hurt a lot when I left the clinic. Obviously after leaving, I got a frappuccino and went to acupuncture because my anxiety is through the roof and when you have giant needles shoved in your throat the obvious next step is to jab a bunch of needles all over your body.
The last seven weeks have been torture. My anxiety is getting out of control. I’m trying everything to remain calm.
I feel the nodules every time I swallow. Every time I turn my head. I frequently have a sore throat or hoarse voice.
On top of that, despite the increase in dosage, I am still suffering the effects of a prolonged hypothyroid flareup. I am exhausted. All.The.Time.
It takes all I have to get through the work day. I come home and crash. On weekends, I wake up around 6 a.m. and then take my first nap around 9 a.m. Yes, I said first nap. I nap all day.
I even stayed home from work today because I’m just so tired. And my neck is sore. And my voice is hoarse. And my neck is swollen. And I just can’t.
I am working on the anxiety, thanks in part to acupuncture, essential oils/baths, prayers and meditation. But the chronic exhaustion is taking it’s toll on me mentally and physically.
The next few days will be torture as I try to get through the day while worrying about when I will receive a call from a doctor telling me if I have cancer or not. Or if things are suspicious and surgery is recommended for further investigation. It’s all nerve-racking.
Please keep me in your prayers. Send your positive thoughts and wishes for strength and faith that I can get through this.
Today, I participated in my first race in more than two years. I used to be a runner. During training for my first marathon (that wasn’t), I suffered some injuries and ended up needing pretty major ankle surgery.
My brother, his fiancé and I completed The Milwaukee Beer Run 5k & .05k. They did the 5k and I did the .05k. That is the only distance race that would bring me out of racing retirement. Plus, beer.
Here’s the problem you guys. I am a hot mess. I may have had surgery to fix my ankle, but it’s still not what it used to be.
As we were walking from the car to the starting line, my ankle gave out on me and I biffed it. Of course my loving brother couldn’t stop laughing. Thankfully, we were in the grassy part of Estabrook Parkway, so it wasn’t a hard fall. I was a little worried that my surgically-enhanced-so-it-wouldn’t-be-unstable-and-give-out-on-me-anymore ankle gave out on me, but I shook it off and we continued to the race.
I wasn’t sure how the race would go. I mean, .05k is really far you guys. It’s nothing compared to the numerous half marathons I did years ago.
As the emcee counted down to the start, I felt that same jittery excitement that was so common for me when I was a runner.
And we were off! There was a point during the race where I hit the wall. I think it was around .04k. I wasn’t sure I would finish, but I powered through it and ran across the finish line.
The race lasted less than 30 seconds. I barely had a chance to work up a sweat. But, I did PR today — 0:29! Honestly, if it wasn’t so packed with people walking, I would have gotten a better time. There’s always next year. 😉 Then it was time for some tasty beer from the Estabrook Beer Garden.
After Andy & Jenn finished, the line for beer was insanely long, so we decided to head off to brunch.
As we walked back to the car, my OTHER ankle gave out on me and I fell on the pavement really hard. Like almost crying hard. My left knee was scraped, throbbing and hurting. It was pretty great you guys.
I’ve been icing my knee and ankle on and off ever since. I have a feeling I will be hurting tomorrow. :/
My wrists and forearms have been showing the signs of carpal tunnel syndrome. I am certain it directly correlates to the amount of time I’ve been spending on the computer. You see, I got a promotion in May (YAY) and have been managing a gigantic project at work that launches at the end of the month. I’m working 10-12 hour days AT work, then coming home and working some more.
There’s been numbness, tingling, pins-and-needles, shooting pain, etc.
It’s a lot of fun.
I happened to have an appointment with my chiropractor last night so I asked him if he had any recommendations. He took a look and did some soft tissue work.
It was so tender – especially around both radial heads (heads of my radius bones in both forearms). I almost screamed out it was so painful. He said I am definitely developing CTS but that I am also showing signs of golfer’s elbow – which is awesome because I sure don’t golf.
Anyways, he prescribed medical-grade wrist splints for each arm and said I should ice and take it easy.
Things were so sore today, and since I am about to head out to a baseball game, I figured I would apply some Biofreeze gel to calm things down. I am NOT wearing these braces to a baseball game.
So, I applied the Biofreeze and then went to the bathroom before I started packing up the car. BIG GIANT MISTAKE.
I forgot to wash my hands before using the bathroom.
I think you know where this is going.
There is some mentholated tingling going on in places there shouldn’t.
This one’s for all the naysayers. For all the people who say depression is all in your head. For anyone who has been affected by this disease.
Let me tell you a story. A story about a girl. When this girl was 19 and home from college for winter break, she got very sick. She had debilitating headaches every day. She couldn’t leave her bed. She slept most days because that was the only way to keep the headaches at bay.
Her family became growingly concerned about her health and encouraged her to see her doctor. Her doctor ran some tests which were mostly inconclusive, and then referred her to a neurologist.
Unsure of the cause of his patient’s headaches, the neurologist ordered an MRI. He was concerned there may be an aneurism or tumor.
Thankfully, when the MRI results came back, no aneurism or tumor was found.
But that didn’t mean the girl’s headaches had gone away. The neurologist ran some additional diagnostic tests and concluded that the cause of the girl’s headaches was a chemical imbalance.
The girl had low levels of serotonin in her brain.
The neurologist explained by using the following example:
“Let’s say that most people, have a serotonin level of 10 out of 10. People with severe depression are at a 1 out of 10. You’re somewhere in the middle. For you, right now, the chemical imbalance is causing headaches. It could easily lead to depression over time.”
So the neurologist put the girl on a low dose of Zoloft (most widely known as an anti-depressant). The neurologist gradually increased the girl’s dosage until her headaches went away.
The neurologist warned that the girl could never go off the medication “cold turkey” or there could be serious side-effects and mentioned that she would most likely be on this medication for the rest of her life. You see, if the chemical imbalance wasn’t rectified, she could fall victim to her debilitating headaches again or become clinically depressed.
As her doses increased and her headaches became less frequent, the girl quickly bounced back to life. She was no longer sleeping all day. She wasn’t taking copious amounts of Aleve or Advil to get through the day.
All she needed was that one little pill.
But then, about a year or two later, the girl thought she knew better than her neurologist. As is typical of young adults in their early twenties, the girl was “college poor” and working her way through school. She mismanaged her money and was dangerously close to falling behind on her bills. Since her headaches hadn’t been very frequent, she thought she could maybe just skip her pills for a month. Her pills cost about $50 or $75 a month (which was a lot of money for her).
She started cutting her pills in half, to make the ones she had at her apartment last a little while longer.
But then, things started to change. The girl became very moody. She kept to herself. She never wanted to hang out with her friends, family or sorority sisters.
Then one day, the girl’s best friend and pledge sister sat her down and asked, “What is going on? Something’s not right. You’re not yourself. I struggled with depression in high school and I’m seeing a lot of these signs with you. What do you need? What can I do?”
The girl began to sob. She knew something was wrong, too. And she knew what the cause was – that pesky chemical imbalance.
She knew that what she needed was her medication. But she couldn’t afford it. The girl’s BFF told her to call her parents.
The girl’s parents had noticed some of the signs as well and were relieved their daughter had a friend who was looking out for her. Who saw the warning signs. Who helped her get the help she needed.
Of course, the girl’s parents said that finances should never be a reason why the girl couldn’t get her much-needed medication. So they paid for her meds for the following months until things started to balance back out.
The girl realized that this chemical imbalance caused more than just her headaches. If untreated, her life could quickly head into a downward spiral.
It’s now been more than a decade since that girl learned that lesson. She hasn’t always remembered to take her medication faithfully every day, and when she does forget, she’s usually reminded within a couple of days with one of those debilitating headaches.
If she misses more than a day, she feels the overwhelming weight of the early stages of depression.
Obviously – if you haven’t figured it out – I am that girl.
I am that girl who used to hide behind the fact that she took an anti-depressant daily and would tell any pharmacist, doctor or nurse who asked why she took it, “Oh, it’s NOT for depression. I get headaches.”
I am that girl who was afraid to be labeled as someone who suffered from depression because of society’s negative labels of mental illness.
I am that girl who takes a little pill everyday to keep her happy and headache free.
I am that girl who was lucky enough to have loving family, friends and a BFF who cared about her and pushed her to get the help she needed.
This past week, I was “gifted” a plant arrangement in desperate need of some TLC by some coworkers who found this in the office of someone who recently took a new job.
As you can see, it was in rough shape. There were actually three different plant varieties in the basket, but my coworkers took one of the varieties out.
I did some research and figured out that the vining plant with pretty yellow blooms is actually a succulent! It’s a calandiva. It clearly was reaching for sunlight for a very long time.
The most difficult part of this plant rescue was not figuring out what to do with the Calandiva – It was a succulent and I knew if I just snipped them and made cuttings, it would survive and be much healthier. The difficult part came when trying to free the other plant from the mess of roots in the pot!
I split the plants between three new homes. Most of the calandiva is in a plastic pot with the right kind of soil and lots of rocks for draining. One cutting is now in a vintage animal cracker tin, with two other succulents and lots of rocks. The other plant (I didn’t really investigate what it is), is now in another plastic pot and enjoying having its own space for roots to grow.
Next week, I’ll be answering some of the questions I am often asked about caring for succulents. If you have a question for me, post a comment below!
Oh, and in case you missed it… head over to our Facebook page! I now have some succulent arrangements/terrariums available for sale in the Milwaukee area! Sorry to those who aren’t in SE Wisconsin – I haven’t figured out how to ship these safely! Here’s a sneak peek:
Almost 5 weeks since I began my first major succulent propagation effort. We are making a lot of progress. Lots of pink roots and li’l baby plants sprouting. I’ve added some more leaves to the big ceramic container and hope to see some growth from them soon.
My second propagation experiment started two weeks ago. We’re making good progress here, too! This pot is mostly sedum rubrotinctum and graptosedum.
Some of my leaves are showing signs of over-watering so I’m hoping if I wait an extra day or two between waterings, the wrinkly leaves will get better.
On a sad note, one of the leaves from my big, fat pachyphytum bracteosum was coming loose so I popped it off today. I’m hoping it will propagate. I has a sad. I love these big leaves!
Finally, I am so excited that my pleiospilos nelii rubra (split rock succulent) is splitting! New growth is starting to appear!
Twenty-eight years ago, we welcomed Emily into the world.
I remember being soooo excited to have a little sister! (Of course, I love my brother, Andy, but I’ve been told when I found out my parents were having another baby, I asked if we could take Andy back.)